I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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