drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
