I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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