i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
