I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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