Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
