Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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