Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
