I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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