yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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