Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
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I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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