i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
