wat bout pragnant strippers??
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
