Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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