Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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