the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We were destined to go to rehab together
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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