Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How did I end up in the pool?!
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I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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