is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
