I wish my penis had an off switch
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
