I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
