If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
