I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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