I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
