I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
