I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
