Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
