You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
