we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
