My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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