I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
