The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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