just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
