You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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