I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
