I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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