i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I could have mohawked her pubes.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
