i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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