can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
