i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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