did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
