i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
