But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
