At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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