I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize