it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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