i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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