You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
