I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
