Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
