I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
