Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
