dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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