You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
