Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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