Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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