can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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