Only a mothe r could love this liver
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
