Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
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