if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
