my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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