ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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