Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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