3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
