My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
