this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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