Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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