When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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