My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
