we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
