I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
