if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
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He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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