I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
