The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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