he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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